This month I am on tour with the fantastic Jeffery Lewis playing bass with him across North America.
Weird month to be alive. I am having trouble knowing what to do with my days and I feel very very alone.
My Fav Part = The Drive
Fowl Business
Model Train Set
Happy Science
come on carolina!
Rock And Roll/ American Cheese
libertybell
When Am I gonna Feel Freeeee
Canada Dry
Concord Grapes
July exhaustingly ripe Decadent Obese with itself The buildings which were at first adorned with the vines of late spring Are now overtaken cumulonimbus creating grander and grander displays of strength Like oiled up body builders flexing their muscles. Like those paintings in the national gallery we would probably call fascist if we ever went together and not separately Men with the longest pony tails and cargo shorts. Women who love you with the fattest asses. (The world moves on a women’s hips) Someone pragmatic like myself might find the whole display gauche. Too much Demi glace , too much, frois gras
However… The truth is that to survive November, December, January , February, and even the bad half of March. You must gorge yourself on June July and August.
So yes the masses are lezzing out. Every three days I hear about some tale of a characteristically July debauched evening. Some dice roll number of people with dart board names participated in an orgy at so and sos ( someone with air conditioning) after drinking far too much at wonderville or aunt Ginny’s or old Stanley’s or wherever.We gorge ourselves on july. by the fall this confluence of the body slows. November I’ll probably convince some of us orphans to rally some simulation of thanksgiving. And December is still up in the air. This last Christmas I spent with you watching it’s a wonderful life and eating Chinese food. I guess that’s never gonna happen again. you were so sick then, you are getting better, I even brought you to the hospital. Some type of canary in our world wide coal mine. When she is debauched the world will debauch, when she retreats the world retreats. What I do know is I will probably have something amazing to say about anything. I dazzle my therapist with my poetics. Sometimes she’s the one thing I look forward to in the week. I know she likes me and seems happy to listen to me (she gives me a better hourly rate than her other patients). I am lucky to have her, my father, my roommate who is on vacation, Brenna, cadence (who makes me feel normal) , Valerie Whitney who is rooting for me wherever she is , Ben lipkin, Cody, Gracie who lives in Buffalo , and the people who send me nice emails about the little bit of art I’ve put in the world
July was so overflowing that my mother felt the need to arrive in the first month. Started with the annual text from my sister being used to instruct me to call our mother with no explanation. What a way to make a heart fall down a well! I called my sister instead: As it turned out my mother had arrived in brooklyn and wanted to see me to relay a prophetic vision she received from the heavens concerning me. Wanting no part of that conversation which would have surely made me spiral down down down into a pile of meat , I asked my father and my sister to make sure she wouldn’t ambush me at my apartment. I escaped any run-ins with the woman who carried me for 9 months and then let herself get cut open for me to breathe my first breaths. What a gift! She has lost her ability to tell fact from fiction 22 years post birth but she was a generous mother until I became a teen. I was lucky to have her when I had her. I can only hope she at least has herself now. If you can get a kick out of anything thank god . A good life is mostly a few well strung kicks . Sometimes pierogis are great, sometimes they are out by the time you get there so you can’t distract yourself from your stupid fucking need for something that is so abstract that you might as well kill yourself. Suicidal with the top down and wind in your hair . Diarrhea from an Oreo mcflurry. Dropping your bone in the river cause the dog you see in the reflection seems to have a bigger one. That’s July.
“Hey it’s me I’m dynamite and I don’t know why”
Van in “sweet thing” I guess I know that feeling but it’s not the one you think. It’s a song about hypothetically getting back together, what Morrison would say in a naive perfect scenario of this happening. Classic reason to write a song in the first place of. Me and Morrison and the millions of humans can remember smiling at you and, god, having that great feeling. Like god it was all worth it to be able to have you with me. To be your favorite person and have you be mine. "I’m dynamite and I don’t know why". These days I talk like I’m R crumb , all dour and stupid. Well until my hard work pays off and I’m a jazz cat again saying I dig it and bullshitting with the best of them. Oh baby I’m watching cars criss cross down the street in Jamaica queens and she’s a little young for me but hey I’m only 22 but half my age plus 7 says its alright and she is impressed by my stupid incessant name dropping, people I only know so well because of you (if you were as content with me as I was with you we wouldn’t have met anybody!)I guess I’ve never slept with anyone who isn’t impressed by my accomplishments, it’s sorta the only people who sleep with me, no one wants me just for my beauty and hey that’s fine. To complain about it is throwing a fit for getting the wrong color pony. But it does feel like I’ve had to fight for everything in this life. I suppose the beautiful want to prove they are more than just their beauty personified. I guess I want to be loved by someone I would be excited to have a conversation with and that is something that is very rare. They need to invent something that makes you feel good once a week that makes the whole ragamuffin thing worth it . I keep saying most of this thing is a boot on your neck and I think people hate it. But I keep saying it. Cause even if I disagree later, it’s how I feel now. And today is all I got so better remember to smile smile smile for when they take the picture.