audio is my cover of Witholding Hands by Kleenex Girl Wonder
Somewhere along the way I just became more and more pathetic.
I guess all I ever wanted was to feel like I was the most special girl in the whole universe.Lying in bed, sniffing vigorously a bottle of poppers, Stevie Wonder in my open back headphones, big pillow in my arms, kissing it and pretending it is literally Jesus Christ Himself.
Repeating softly to myself, “he loves me, he loves me, he loves me” with each utterance involuntarily twitching my legs.She said “Emmy has more dramatics to show us.”
More and more pathetic. I suppose I have always been this pathetic. The truth is the more other people get to know you, the more you get to know yourself. Like a deep sea abomination that only knows the true extent of it's horror when an unlucky deep sea explorer shines its light. Her reactions to your slip ups can tell you more about yourself than looking yourself in the mirror for 8 hours straight can. Squeezing your breasts trying to remember what it felt like to be an in love 17 year old love, openly suicidal checked out, forcing yourself to practice scales. And then jerking off to photos of women that 4 years later you are now friends with. Fall asleep to cartoons in the background. More and more pathetic is one thing to call it.
Maybe missing you is just gonna be something that I carry through a lifetime and that's okay. Maybe I won't ever get a chance to tell you that you were right and I was wrong.